


The Other Me

by Kaoru_chibimaster



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, In Universe, KH3 spoilers, Training, more lea and kairi interaction for the soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 16:33:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaoru_chibimaster/pseuds/Kaoru_chibimaster
Summary: Every time he looked back on those days in the Organization, he felt like an overly familiar stranger. Someone watching from the sidelines as his Other Self made all the bad decisions, followed all the icky orders, and forged a friendship out of nothing. Those were Lea’s friends now…but they’d always been Axel’s. Who was he to take that away? Or was there anything to take, really?





	The Other Me

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve wanted to explore this idea for a while now. I’ve thought about how nobodies are considered separate from their somebodies and wondered what affect this might have on the ones who rejoined with their somebodies without forging a separate identity/becoming a whole new person.

“Why do you hold your keyblade like that anyway?”

Lea grinned, watching Kairi’s knees bend in anticipation. Her entire body tensed, what little muscle she had in her arms flexing as her grip around her own weapon tightened. She was waiting for him to answer so she could catch him off guard.

Except he’d been doing this for _years_ , and that was the oldest trick in the book. Something he’d never fall for.

“It’s cute that you’re trying to distract me,” he chuckled, rushing forward as he spoke to strike. He spun his keyblade around in a manner similar to how he used to handle his chakrams, lashing out with it with a fraction of the force he’d use in an actual fight. Probably for the best, as Kairi’s reflexes weren’t the fastest and she’d brought up her guard too late, having still been in an attacking stance. He nicked her arm, but she’d brushed it off with such determination that he felt impressed regardless of her messing up the block.

She was much quicker to retaliate anyway. If he was impressed with her determination, he was outright proud of how much better she’d gotten at fighting in the short time they’d been there. At least, it felt short. He was never too sure what with Merlin’s magic distorting his time perception.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” she huffed, swinging her keyblade in an upward arc. Lea jumped back, not bothering to block. That would exert more energy than was needed. He hoped she’d pick up on that and emulate him, knowing she’d get herself in trouble if she tried to block every blow.

With those noodley arms, she’d tire herself out way too quickly.

“Used to it,” was the shortest and simplest response. And it did feel familiar, like he’d been doing this for most of his life. Swinging chakrams around in a sort of lethal dance, with a flurry of flames surrounding him to add flavor to his fighting style. He’d twirl his weapons around his fingers, holding them loosely so that they could be flung with ease. They’d always come right back to him. It was no wonder then that he’d incorporated this style into his keyblade training. It was what he knew, it was what worked, and he was pleased to learn that strike raid existed so he didn’t have to cut corners when it came to chucking his weapon at his enemies. He still held perfect control over his flames. There was no reason to completely reset his fighting style.

Except, it wasn’t his. Not really. He supposed that was why telling Kairi that he was used to fighting this way was the easiest way to answer. Telling her he’d assimilated the fighting style from his nobody Axel, that he’d taken his memories, his battle prowess, his abilities all to himself and claimed that they were his, would’ve just confused her. It confused Lea, in all honesty.

He hadn’t put much thought into it when he’d first woken up. He was back to normal and that was all that mattered. His teardrops were gone, his body was whole, his heart had returned.

Or something like that.

It’d taken a while for him to truly realize that the heart he’d started growing as Axel was not the same as the one that had been returned to him. The one he’d lost at seventeen. The heart that belonged to Axel was the one that experienced ten years of loss, and anger, and sadness. It had experienced the cold shell of indifference, the warm blanket of friendship, and the welcoming embrace of belonging. That heart had forged a bond with Roxas and…and…

Well, with Roxas. It’d pieced itself together with what he’d thought were hollow echoes of love. He’d convinced himself that he’d learned to love his friends…er, friend. His best friend. After a while, it was hard to convince himself that it wasn’t so.

As he’d told Sora, he’d long since started to feel as if he had a heart. And learning that this was exactly the case had made the revelation that Lea and Axel were two different people that much harder to stomach.

Who was he to take these experiences away from Axel? Sure, they had the same memories, same personality (though Lea was quick to admit that he wasn’t quite as ruthless as Axel had been), same interests, same preferences, same friends. But what did that matter? Axel had started to grow a heart. He was his own self; what right did Lea have to take that from him?

Lea thought back to what Kairi had said after the king and his sidekick had brought them their suitcases: about how Naminé deserved to have her own experiences back. He certainly felt the same about Roxas, having known the kid had gone through too much to not deserve to be his own person. And Lea— _Axel_ wanted to see him again. He wanted his best friend back.

It was just _difficult_ trying to differentiate between himself and his other. He wanted the same for Axel, but who else was Axel but another part of Lea? How could he justify to himself that they were two different people when everything felt the same between them? It was such a conundrum because it wasn’t as simple as saying Axel had gained his own heart. That heart had barely begun to burgeon by the time Lea was restored. He doubted it was in any way distinct from his own.

It didn’t _feel_ like it. Yet somehow he knew it was there.

Of course, he’d earned himself a thwack on his side for trying to think too deeply into this.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Kairi squeaked, dropping her keyblade in favor of fussing over Lea. “I didn’t mean to—well, I did, but I thought you would dodge!”

Grunting at the sharp pain that suddenly bloomed just underneath his ribs, Lea dismissed his weapon as well and grabbed at the wound. He mumbled a quick cure spell out before giving Kairi a tight grin.

“Don’t worry about it. I kinda deserved that one,” he told her. He did, he supposed. So deep in thought that he was leaving himself open in a fight… That meant he was getting sloppy.

Kairi only sighed at him and placed her hand on her hips, pouting in what he figured she thought was supposed to be an intimidating expression. She looked like a mildly upset puppy.

“Keep your head in the game, Axel. We can’t train if you’re floating around in space!”

Lea flinched at her words; not so much at the reprimand, but at the name she’d called him. Yes, he’d asked her to but…

But…

Every time she did, he suddenly wasn’t looking at Kairi anymore. He was seeing _her_ in his mind again. He was seeing short black hair and familiar blue eyes again. He’d kept staring at Kairi, and he knew it bothered her but he couldn’t stop, hoping to catch more glimpses of this remnant of Axel’s past. Hoping that if she called him Axel, he’d gain that memory back that much faster. He’d know who she was.

Maybe it’d be his apology to Axel, for taking his life away. It’d be a piss poor one, sure, but if Axel was still inside Lea somewhere, he might appreciate seeing _her_ again for the first time in—

He didn’t even know. Not really. The only mysterious girl of Lea’s past was long gone, and he remembered perfectly what she looked like. This other girl, the one who had to be connected to Kairi in some way, was a complete mystery to him. One not even Axel’s memories had access to.

“Are…you okay?”

“Hmm?” Lea blinked at the question, raising an eyebrow at Kairi. Her head was titled curiously, her eyes worried. She’d started twiddling her fingers, an odd nervous gesture that he’d only recently started to notice.

“You’re staring at me again. And you look sad,” she said, brushing her short cherry hair out her face and behind her ear, another nervous gesture that he’d picked up on after she’d cut it. Was he finally starting to freak her out with all the staring? He couldn’t imagine how he hadn’t already been; _he’d_ have been freaked out if he was being stared at by some gangly loony in a black coat. He buried a hand in his own hair in response, scratching at his scalp as he tried to figure exactly how to explain what was going through his mind. Or how to brush it off.

“It’s just…” he started. Kairi waited patiently, expression open and unjudging, and he found it difficult to lie. Must’ve been a princess thing.

“You know how… Well, you and Naminé…” And yet here he was floundering regardless. So much for getting this off his chest. He wasn’t even sure if his feelings were right. What if he and Axel were just the same person? What if Axel had never started growing a heart and only thought that he did. What if Lea’s heart came back to an empty vessel and inserted itself back into Axel’s existence to pick back up where he’d left off as if nothing was out of the ordinary?

He found that hard to believe when the memories of Axel’s feelings and experiences were so prominent, so bright. No one without a heart could’ve loved those two…er, Roxas rather, as much as he did. Lea wouldn’t be fighting so hard to see his closest friend again if Axel’s feelings never truly existed.

He just didn’t know how to express that without sounding crazy. Axel wasn’t anywhere near as distinct as Roxas and Naminé were. With no memories of their own, it was more than easy for them to establish themselves as their own people. Where did Lea end and Axel begin? Where did Axel end and Lea begin? The lines were so blurred…

“Don’t worry about it.” He settled with that. “I’ll be fine.”

Kairi was clearly unsatisfied with the answer, frowning even deeper—and Lea once again saw another, similar face looking back at him, disapproving and exasperated and caring all at once. He shook the image out of his head and looked away. He couldn’t stand seeing that face, wanting so hard to know who she was. One of Axel’s greatest secrets.

“You know you can talk to me,” Kairi offered. “You’re my friend now, and I’m here.”

Lea let out a laugh at that.

“After everything I’d put you throu—”

“Don’t even start with me on that. You’ve apologized enough times to fill an ocean with words,” she interrupted him, huffing loudly and rolling her eyes hard enough that he could catch out of the corner of his.

“Besides…” she continued. “It was Axel who did all that. You’ve got a pretty clean slate with me, Lea.”

That was—

“I thought I told you to call me Axel…” he trailed off quietly, his mind at a standstill as he processed her words again and again.

“Sure, if that’s what you want. But you’re not him anymore, so don’t beat yourself up over the past, okay? I tell you what.”

Kairi held out a hand towards him then, and he was forced to fully look at her again as he tried to comprehend the gesture. What exactly was she trying to get him to shake on?

“I’ll call you Axel if you promise to stop going easy on me in training,” she said, grinning confidently in a way he didn’t think he’d ever seen. It was so Sora-esque though, it wasn’t difficult to guess where she picked it up from. He felt a little more at ease seeing it. Just a little. There was too much going through his head for him to completely relax. Nevertheless, she’d charmed her way through his wall of awkward easily enough, so he supposed he owed her that handshake. Chuckling to himself, he gripped her small palm with his fingers and shook her hand lightly. She might’ve been a little too frail for him to truly take seriously, but she was also a keyblade wielder in the making and he owed her to stop treating her like a fragile doll. He too was at a bit of a disadvantage, after all. His chakrams and his keyblade were two completely different weapons no matter how he wielded them, and the difference in weight distribution alone was enough to throw him off his game. This not counting his constant struggle not to smack himself in the face with the thing. He needed to work a little harder to make sure he was up to task when they took the fight to the old man.

He wanted to make Roxas proud when he saw him again. _Axel_ wanted to make Roxas proud.

Somehow Kairi seemed to understand that without Lea having said a single thing.

“You’re crazy, you know,” he told her, jokingly of course. He held his hand level with his sternum. “You barely reach me here; you don’t think I’d actually fight you seriously, do ya?”

Kairi puffed out her cheeks in annoyance and Lea watched in amusement as they flushed pink with embarrassment.

“Fine, then I won’t call you Axel!”

Laughing loudly, Lea reached out a hand and ruffled her hair, and tried desperately to ignore the black strands he envisioned between his fingers.

“Call me whatever you want. Do you want to finish training or are you done for the day?”

“I’m up for another round…” Another long, dramatic sigh. “Axel.”

Something inside him, something that wasn’t him, hummed with satisfaction at the name.

“Well, pull your keyblade back out so I can kick your butt.”

“Uh, no. I think _I_ will be kicking _your_ butt.”

Right. Sure she would.

She seemed determined to try, however, as she summoned her keyblade again. Silver gleamed in the orange sunlight, alongside a flash of yellow. A black coat flared out as she fell into her stance. Challenge lit up in deep blue eyes, deeper than the near violet of Kairi’s. Black hair blew in the breeze.

No.

Kairi was not _her_. And Lea was not Axel.

And nothing short of losing his heart again would ever change that.


End file.
